Performance Exhausts Cure Those Hump Day Blues
A disheveled Mr. Sweeny hurries into the Social Studies room moments after the bell rings late as usual. Happy Hump Day! the class yells. Patrick Sweeny has been teaching Social Studies for thirteen years now. You would think he would have gotten the routine down but tardiness is no stranger to Mr. Sweeny. He is usually found darting through the halls in a constant state of disarray a pile of books under one arm a briefcase under the other coffee in one hand a brown bag sack lunch in the other.
Style on the other hand is foreign language to him it went extinct with dinosaurs as far as Patrick Sweeny is concerned. One might think his wardrobe was similar to that of a superheros closet consisting of multiple pairs of the same outfit but the remnants of chalk dust and pit stains allude to a different less exciting story.
Hump day. I wish mumbles Mr. Sweeny softly under his breathe. Poor ole Sweeny boy hadnt enjoyed the company of a woman in years maybe decades. But can you blame him? Receding hairlines and bad hygiene arent exactly in style these days; well maybe bad hygiene.
Hey Mr. Sweeny what are we learning about today? asked Samantha Wilcott a future valedictorian.
Why dont we start by going over last nights homework? Everyone please take it out
Sweeny I want to see you out in the hall boomed Principle Harrisons deep voice. He had the perfect voice for a principle. His vocal chords had the power to send chills down a freshmans spine the power to break up a fist fight the power to sing Chocolate Rain.
The kids in the classroom could hear the bass from Principle Harrisons voice echoing Sweeny do you have any idea how many times youve been late this year?
Sweeny start to stammer Well I uhCant recall the exact .
38! 38 days. If you were a student youd be held back. If you were my kid youd be grounded. Heck if this were taxes youd be arrested!
Sweeny just stood there with his head hanging down finally noticing the chalk dust covering his shirt. Point taken Greg. Greg was Principal Harrisons first name.
I dont mean to come down you but you need to make it here on time. If you cant I will find someone who can.
Sweeny nodded and returned to the classroom. He wasnt in the mood for teaching anymore or for talking at all for that matter. So he passed out a quiz and sat as his desk in silence.
The problem isnt that he is lazy. The problem is that he is extremely disorganized. From the moment he wakes up Mr. Sweeny is constantly playing catch up. Today he was out of toothpaste. If its not toothpaste hes out of its milk or ink for his printer or something else. He then has to drive over to the supermarket to get his supplies and ends up being late for work.
So how on earth will Sweeny be able to salvage his job his dignity and his life? It hit him like Babe Ruth knocking one out of the park. The problem was his car. His beat up little sedan was always having problems. He needed something like Principle Harrisons voice that would let people know that he was coming and they better watch out.
He ended up attaching a growling earthshaking performance exhaust in combination with nice throaty air intake.
About the writer: How is good ole Sweeny boy holding up now you ask? Lets just say his car gave him a new image a new image that the ladies love. Who would have known that adding Inexpensive Performance Exhaust and an Inexpensive Injen Cold Air Intake could turn ones life around? Crazy. Mike Rosania
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